Funniest Robert Mugabe Quotes

Robert Mugabe aside being the oldest African President and a true hero of the land, he was also a funny person in nature.

He is the oldest and most famous African leader who was pushed out of power.

He practically needs no introduction. One thing that is certain about this former African leader who has virtually lived and witnessed one century is that he is no sycophant or a people pleaser.

I’m sure he’ll definitely be top in the black book of the Western world. Let’s just say the feeling is mutual. Call him a dictator, call him a tyrant, call him the “Hitler of our time”… he is super-cool and totally fine with it.

Amidst all of his controversial leadership style, Robert Mugabe’s pan-African views and belief is not in question. Were he not who he is, Zimbabwe’s independence story might not be as we know it.

Since Mugabe is no more we would like to share with you of some of the funniest Robert Mugabe quotes;

“The only warning the African takes seriously is low battery.” – Robert Mugabe

The only white man you can trust is a dead white man. – Robert Mugabe

We are not hungry… Why foist this food upon us? We don’t want to be choked. We have enough. – Robert Mugabe

Was it not enough punishment and suffering in history that we were uprooted and made helpless slaves not only in new colonial outposts but also domestically. – Robert Mugabe

Our party must continue to strike fear in the heart of the white man, our real enemy! – Robert Mugabe

True, some land was bought by a few Cabinet Ministers. They bought the land. No minister, to my knowledge acquired land which was meant for resettlement. – Robert Mugabe

If President Barack Obama wants me to allow marriage for same-sex couples in my country (Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I marry him first. – Robert Mugabe

I have died many times. I have actually beaten Jesus Christ because he only died once. – Robert Mugabe

Don’t drink at all, don’t smoke, you must exercise and eat vegetables and fruit. – Robert Mugabe

The land is ours. It’s not European and we have taken it, we have given it to the rightful people… Those of white extraction who happen to be in the country and are farming are welcome to do so, but they must do so on the basis of equality. – Robert Mugabe

Only God who appointed me will remove me. – Robert Mugabe

Funniest Robert Mugabe Quotes
Funniest Robert Mugabe Quotes

We have fought for our land, we have fought for our sovereignty, small as we are we have won our independence and we are prepared to shed our blood…. So, Blair keep your England, and let me keep my Zimbabwe. – Robert Mugabe

We have said we will never collapse, never ever. We may have our droughts, our poverty, but as a people we shall never collapse, never ever. – Robert Mugabe

Funniest Robert Mugabe Quotes
Funniest Robert Mugabe Quotes

Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum & you realise witchcraft is real. – Robert Mugabe

I am an educationist. I’m an economist. I am a politician. I am also now a good storyteller, you know? – Robert Mugabe

Funniest Robert Mugabe Quotes
Funniest Robert Mugabe Quotes

We don’t mind having sanctions banning us from Europe. We are not Europeans. – Robert Mugabe

It’s not possible that women can be at par with men. – Robert Mugabe

Funniest Robert Mugabe Quotes

South Africans will kick down a statue of a dead white man but won’t even attempt to slap a live one. Yet they can stone to death a black man simply because he’s a foreigner. – Robert Mugabe

We are no longer going to ask for the land, but we are going to take it without negotiating. – Robert Mugabe

Funniest Robert Mugabe Quotes
Funniest Robert Mugabe Quotes

Don’t fight even over girlfriends. The country is full of beautiful women. If you can’t get one, come to Mugabe for assistance. – Robert Mugabe

The white man is not indigenous to Africa. Africa is for Africans. Zimbabwe is for Zimbabweans. – Robert Mugabe

Funniest Robert Mugabe Quotes
Funniest Robert Mugabe Quotes

In most recent times, as the West started being hostile to us, we deliberately declared a Look East policy. – Robert Mugabe

We of Africa protest that, in this day and age, we should continue to be treated as lesser human beings than other races. – Robert Mugabe

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I am still the Hitler of the time. This Hitler has only one objective: justice for his people, sovereignty for his people, recognition of the independence of his people and their rights over their resources. If that is Hitler, then let me be Hitler tenfold. Ten times, that is what we stand for. – Robert Mugabe

We will have no mercy for white people regarding the land, they cannot own our soil. – Robert Mugabe

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South Africa needs a second liberation. – Robert Mugabe

It may be necessary to use methods other than constitutional ones. – Robert Mugabe

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If you take men and lock them in a house for five years and tell them to come up with two children and they fail to do that, then we will chop off their heads. – Robert Mugabe

We will defend our victory through armed struggle. We will have to do that. – Robert Mugabe

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There are things one must do for oneself. – Robert Mugabe

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We have said the first step was to designate the land, inform the owners. And the second would be to get the responses from the owners. And this will be openly done. – Robert Mugabe

People are free to campaign and they will be free to vote. There won’t be any soldiers, you know, at the queues. Anyone who has the right to vote is free to go and cast his vote anywhere in his own area, in his own constituency. – Robert Mugabe

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Any man who successfully convinces a monkey that honey is sweeter than banana, is capable of selling condoms to a Roman father. – Robert Mugabe

Dear ladies, if your boyfriend didn’t wish you a happy mother’s day or sing sweet Mother for you, you should stop breastfeeding him. – Robert Mugabe

funny mugabe quotes
Funniest Robert Mugabe Quotes


If over 15 guys have sucked your breasts, you don’t need to call those things “your breasts”. It’s called COW BELL, OUR MILK! Repeat after me, OUR MILK! – Robert Mugabe

If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking about inner beauty because men don’t walk around with x-rays to see inner beauty. – Robert Mugabe

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Funniest Robert Mugabe Quotes

If you have attended over 100 weddings in your life and are still single, you are not different from a canopy. – Robert Mugabe

Whenever things seem to start going well in your life, the Devil comes along and gives you a ‘girlfriend’. – Robert Mugabe

funny robert mugabe quotes
Funniest Robert Mugabe Quotes

Dear sisters, don’t be deceived by a man who texts you “I miss you” only when it’s raining, because you are not an umbrella. – Robert Mugabe

I would spend my time telling stories or writing them. – Robert Mugabe

robert mugabe quotes and sayings
Funniest Robert Mugabe Quotes

Some people are contriving ways and means of making us collapse. – Robert Mugabe

“If you like school girls, buy a uniform for your wife to wear for you” – Robert Mugabe

“Racism will never end as long as white cars are using black tyres; if people still use Black to symbolize bad luck and White for peace, if people still wear white clothes at weddings and black clothes at funerals; as long as those who don’t pay their bills are blacklisted and not white-listed. But I don’t care as long as I am using the white toilet paper to wipe my ass”. – Robert Mugabe

It is hard to bewitch African girls these days. Each time you take a piece from her hair to the witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent woman gets mad or a factory in China catches fire”. – Robert Mugabe

“Some women’s legs are like rumours, they keep on spreading”. – Robert Mugabe

“Some girls have never seen the doors of a gym but look physically fit because of running from one man to another”. – Robert Mugabe

“And to those of you who do not actually go to church but watch it on TV, you will not actually go to Heaven, but you will be allowed to watch it on TV!” – Robert Mugabe

“You smoke weed and you take some coke. Few minutes after, you hear ‘chooboi chooboi’ in your head. It’s a set up. The moment you answer, “Yei”!, you are mad.” – Robert Mugabe

“The only public place Ghanaian ladies can be romantic is around the ATM machine.” – Robert Mugabe

If you are a lady and you don’t respect men, you will end up serving jollof at your younger sister’s wedding.” – Robert Mugabe

R.I.P Robert Mugabe

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